I Hate the State of Carolina

An ode inspired by Laura Jane Grace and dedicated to divorce

Photo by Higgins Spooner on Unsplash

I hate the state of North Carolina
Man, this place feels like nowhere
And the traffic makes getting nowhere take faster than ever
I hate the Blue Devils, the Tar Heels, the Wolfpack and all your snotty schools

I couldn’t give a shit about the fair, your mega-church or favorite brew
Learn to make a better stew Brunswick tastes like shit
Don’t say hello when I don’t make eye contact, you asshole
I hate RDU, I hate Cary, I can’t stand Carolina

Oh, the best part is leaving
’Cause maybe one day I’ll never come back again
And If I die in this shithole
Send my body to Arcana
’Cause I’d rather not haunt Cary
Morrisville may actually be Hades

(Alright, Christ, you caught me
This is actually just another divorce song)
Maybe it’s not all of Alamance County’s fault
But it feels like another dogshit day in Suck City
Jesus Christ, could you assholes at least learn how to spell?
Yeah, fuck Samaritan’s Purse and fuck my in-laws
You and all of your…