Somewhere I Belong

One of my all time favorite albums is Linkin Park’s Meteora. I became a huge fan of Linkin Park from the beginning begging my parents for their first album so much that instead of wait for Christmas my Mom gave it to me the day she picked it up. I wore it out in my Sony Walkman. Yes, I am old, but it was a life defining band. The second album in retrospect has given so many words to what I felt dealing with gender dysphoria as a kid. On the second track “Somewhere I Belong” the lyrics say:

When this began,
I had nothing to say
And I’d get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find that I’m not the only person with these things in mind (inside of me)

How true is that for us in the transgender community? When we are younger, when we begin to deal with this we feel lost, we feel confused, and we feel like we lack the words to express what we face. Yet, for me, when I gave voice to my truth I found out I am not alone in this journey.

And as the song goes on to say and we live our truth we can declare what pushed us to this point:

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel,
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything ’til I break away from me
And I will break away, and find myself today

You see for me it was in breaking away from me that I found me. I needed to break from the bad theology that pushed me to the breaking point. I needed to break away from the false mask I wore and be me. I can say today two years since coming out I have found a place where I belong. And it is in my own skin, and with a loving community that supports and encourages me.

I am so thankful for this song by Linkin Park that saved me on countless occasions, and I am so proud I gave voice to what I thought I had no words for and found somewhere I belong.