Supporting Your Transgender Family Member

You would think in 2018, when someone comes out to their family they should be met with understanding and acceptance. Unfortunately, that is not the case for many people. In this post I want to try and give some basic points for how to respect and support a transgender family member.

• Always affirm their preferred pronouns- Not recognizing us by the pronouns we use can be used as a form of abuse, and can trigger other negative mental health issues. We have striven our whole lives to be recognized for who we know ourselves to be, if you can’t respect our pronouns, we may have to end our relationship.
• Always affirm their preferred name- This one sounds easy but in reality can be harder. This means you will be intentional. You will not call us by a name that has negative emotions attached to it. When we select a name we have done research, we have thought about, and we want to be known as that. It means you care enough to try.
• Do not out them to others if they are not out publicly- This is seen as a form of harassment. Being transgender in public life today can be dangerous. If someone finds out we may have transitioned that can lead to physical harm. Respect our lives, and our stories.
• Do not try to drive a wedge between their relationship with a significant other- You do not have a right to tell a spouse, or a significant other what they should do about their relationship when the partner comes out. This is purely evil in action, as you not only disrespect the person that came out, you are taking active steps to create chaos and pain in their life.
• Always respect the fact that they chose to come out to you- It takes courage to do this, and to be vulnerable with you means they trusted you. How you respond to that will determine how your relationship is going forward.
• Always do your research- When someone comes out they may give you some facts, but they are not to be your Google. Continuing to ask them to define their life is not acceptable, take time to learn on your own. Also, do not discredit their journey without doing your own research, and if someone gives you research read it.
• Don’t use your religion to discriminate- Your have may have been brought up a different way, you might believe differently. However, that does not give you the right to tell another person how to live and love. More importantly, just because you believe something doesn’t make it true.

In closing these are some first steps. Your family member does not deserve to be disrespected, or not affirmed. If you don’t take the steps to respect, learn and love you will lose the relationship. So going forward respect that someone has chosen to share their story with you. And take the time to react in love, not in fear.