To My Younger &More Vulnerable Self

My Dearest Sean,

I know you are struggling today. You feel isolated at school, because your best friends are girls, and for that you get made fun of, but writing stories with them is a blast, keep doing it! Writing will be one of the best outlets you develop so enjoy!

You know that you feel completely uneasy with yourself, and that is hard to verbalize for only being in First Grade. You know that you have said to yourself, over and over, that you are a girl, but it seems like the world around you isn’t so keen on that idea. You are excited for summer vacation because Grandma is never judgmental. You know she will let you and your brother paint her finger nails all sorts of colors, and just be yourselves. Also, there are going to be a lot of surprises, and treats, because she loves to spoil you two. So enjoy it, savor every moment you get with her because it will be blink of an eye.

I wish I could say it will get better soon, but you have a long road to walk. In the meantime don’t listen to those internal demons that will gnaw at you. The people that bully you also aren’t worth your time. When you get to Middle School continue to keep your head down, and succeed. Those kids mean nothing to your future, and you will laugh at their bad decisions on social media later in life.

Most importantly trust yourself. There are so many things I wish you could change, so if a tall red-headed amazon visits you listen to her (I still believe time travel might happen, just saying). She will steer you clear of some bad relationship choices, and teach you how to vocalize your truth. Also, don’t ever put stock in what Southern Baptist pastors say. One of them will turn out to be a criminal, and the others are not true to the heart of Jesus. The teachings you hear will make you contemplate your worst decisions, and you will try a few times to end your life. Please, remember it’s darkest before the dawn, and you have more to live for.

You will meet an amazing woman in college, she will ease the pain you have carried for so long and will literally be your soul mate. She will star gaze with you, dream with you, and marry you. Unfortunately you will have to come out to her, and it will be a horribly rough time. But good news, she is every bit the woman you knew her to be and she will stand by your side, and help you become me. She will fight bigots, and slay discrimination by your side. You are lucky to have her.

After all of this things do get better. You will bloom, laugh, and love more fully than you ever thought possible. Along the way there will be other tough struggles, but I can’t bear to lay them on you now. Suffice it say you have always been a fighter, and you will survive.

Look forward to making real friendships, being a community advocate, and seeing lives changed from the work and words you do.

Oh, and always get the tattoo, your life stories are awesome and you will meet amazing artists across the US by getting them. You’re beautiful, be you, and stay strong. You will change the world.

Love,

Shana