Trans-Targeted Microaggressions
There is a daily battle we as trans people face in our communities, microaggressions. What exactly is a microaggression? According to Psychology Today they define a microaggression as
the everyday verbal, nonverbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, which communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative messages to target persons based solely upon their marginalized group membership.
Here in North Carolina microaggressions act a form of commerce shared between those who wish to discriminate against trans individuals. They will use these to show a form of power over us as a marginalized group. In large part most microaggressions are posed in a way to question our presentation, and identity in terms of a masquerade, or a costume. These things are said and done for a variety of reason, such as, to personally discredit who we are, to shame us from the public sphere, and to gate-keep.
Some things I have heard in my transition that others I am sure have encountered are the following:
- Nice wig, I had one when I was a witch for Halloween.
- Mis-gendering me when with other women.
- You are going by a male name?
- You can’t change your biology!
- Is this a phase?
- Is this results of other mental illness?
These are just a few I have encountered. But one thing all microaggressions have in common is they seek to “other” the trans person. These are slights, and snubs that somehow hint that my identity is not valid. I can never be a real girl. For example, the wig comment was said by a doctor and hinted that being trans was almost a cosplay, or masquerade. That at the end of the day when it was all stripped away it wasn’t me.
Secondly, being misgendered when with other women. For example at work, having a conversation when someone says, “he said”, or out with friends, and the waiter says, “sir” both hint that these people know women, and can state that my womanhood is non-existent. Not only are these slights done sometimes inadvertently, but they also betray internal bias, or ignorance. When people just speak without thinking it shows what they may perceive or truly believe when we aren’t around. When things like this happen in a public space usually the person intentionally misgendering us is doing this for their own attention, and also to draw the attention of others toward us. They want us to leave an area, and are using this tactic to show the intent that they think we shouldn’t be there, or are not welcomed there.
Third microaggressions can be a practice of gate-keeping to be part of a gender group. The last three that I highlighted can be lumped into that group. For example, my deadname is actually shared by multiple female celebs and athletes. When I first transitioned, or left my name the same on Facebook someone remarked when will you change your name? Another remarked isn’t that a male name? Again, this slights and snubs were acts to say it I wanted to be a real girl I needed to make up my mind, and follow these cisgender individuals rules and conceptions of female. The same is true for the statement said by many anti-trans folks, that is that I can pretend all I want but my biology is unchangeable. Again, this too is rooted in hate, and misunderstanding. Biology is actually what makes me trans, there are countless studies out that show this. When someone says this, you know they are someone that should be avoided.
Fourth, some people use microaggressions to try and imply it is not a reality, but an illness. They will ask since we are depressed, or have anxiety we are just changing who we are to fit in. They will also hint that perhaps previous sexual assault caused this all to point that they believe it isn’t who we are, but a choice, and a disease. Neither of these is the case, being trans is as normal as having green eyes. It’s how we are born. This attack on who we are is again tied in to gate-keeping, but in a way to other us, to exclude us from what is perceived as normal in a hetero-normative, religious community.
To bring this all to some conclusions let me start by saying one, not all microaggressions are intentional. We must remember this if we want to educate our allies, and encourage our friends. We must remember that 84% of people have never met a self-identified transgender person. When we first transition things will be awkward with families and friends. Cut them a little slack. By that I mean tell them their wording, questions and statements are wrong but welcome them into your journey by teaching them the correct way to say things. For example, instead of “when did you know you were transgendered” we want to teach them to ask “how did you move through your gender identity” or “what has your journey to expressing yourself been like” these questions allow us to talk about our journey, and our lives without being “othered.”
Additionally, when microaggressions are intentional and in public places report them. Earlier this year I was misgendered by waitstaff at a restaurant in Durham. Through a series of emails and messages the General Manager actually drove to the restaurant, addressed the issue, and made that staff member personally apologize to myself and my friends. Further, if these happen in government buildings, you have the right to file civil complaints. In many cases, our gender presentation has nothing to do with the documents we need, or are using. Employees by law are barred from speaking about our identity because it is a protected class.
Finally, and most importantly. We will meet people that express these biases, and bigoted behaviors. However, these people, and these statements have no bearing on who we are. We are who we say we are. These statements we face every day, and every day we have a chance to take them head on, to make our friends better allies, and to stand for ourselves. When people use misinformation, religion or bad science to attack us they show more about themselves than us. What they portray is they are afraid, and fearful of the unknown. Something in us shows their true colors, and show that they need to focus on themselves. Bigoted behaviors are learned, and we can by writing, speaking and advocating confront them so in the days and years to come they will slowly fade away.
So I would encourage you to continue to fight your battle.
Keep your head held high.
You are beautiful
No matter what they say
Words can’t bring you down
Oh no
You are beautiful
In every single way
Yes words can’t bring you down-Christina Aguilera, Beautiful
